What's the term for that sense of dread that washes over you when an old, forgotten piece of your digital past comes back, 2-ish years older and reeking of liniment, yet not a single second wiser? I'm sure the term exists, and if I had some sassy young hipster in my life to Grimes up my Musk, I'd probably know it, so maybe not knowing is a better place to be found wallowing in. Regardless, this beast before you came knocking on my ones and zeroes tonight, so I felt compelled to whip out the knife and carve a notch into it, like those marks you put on the kitchen wall to demonstrate how much you've grown, only in this case I don't particularly feel like I've grown much at all.
2-ish years back, I was still mostly basking in the newly forged freedom from my less than glamorous exit from the IT career I'd never wanted and yet somehow fumbled through for almost 13 fucking years. I still had a chunk of already squandered 401k moneys melting through my bank account like a candy bar on a hot midsummer car seat (the lesser-received prequel to "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"), and I had such big plans. Going to Japan, I was, taking a deep and immersive language course and basking in the humid misery of the Japanese summer in full swing.
Well, that kinda happened and kinda didn't happen, and there's a story to be told, but for tonight I'll leave it at an innuendo of a story and maybe when I return 2-ish years from now, I'll be able to tell it without immediately contorting into a shame configuration and drifting off into an all-encompassing fog of ennui for some unknown sum of time afterward.
Time may tell, and a smarter me would never tell, which is why I'm sure I will tell, because I am nothing if not a product of time, both wasted and otherwise.
It's been a while since I've strung some words together, and like everything else I do, it aches more than it should and it's probably awkwardly uncomfortable to gaze upon. For tonight, I think I'll be brief and let slumber inform me as to if this was a wise route to take or if I'd been better off letting sleeping blogs lie. Perhaps I'll be back with an update sooner, as opposed to another 2-ish years later. Tune in later and find out (or at least get the disappointment out of your way early enough to make lunch plans elsewhere...)
WAR.
